2019: A Year Review


2019 or Another Year Review For You to Read

I used to review my year, at least my wrestling year, every December but then I stopped. I don't know exactly why but probably because I thought I was at the same place doing the same thing and that there was really nothing to talk about, celebrate, or something like that.

It is not a secret that 2017 and 2018 were rough for me on a personal level as I've been very open about dealing with cancer cells and depression. A lot of people have been asking questions about some decisions I made this past year so here are some answers...


Hi again Mister C! Sort of...

2019 actually starts the same way as the previous one, almost. What many don't know is that, after I got the surgery to remove the cancer cells on my cervix and that I got my check up a few months later, they found more cells. No, they were not cancerous but they were classified as CIN2 which means that the cells are abnormal enough to be concerned about it... Especially since they appeared only 3 months after the removal surgery. Then, I am told that I have to see an oncologist.

I call a bunch of places, leave messages, try to get insurance but no one wants to cover me, one because it is a known condition and two, because I'm a resident (green card), not a citizen of the United States. No one answers the messages... And then it happens... I'm on the phone with a lady from an insurance, I tell her I'm an immigrant and I need help... “Can't help you” and she hangs up the phone on me.

Every time I would address the problem about immigration, I would get “You don't like it here, well then leave”... Well, I'm human, not a number, not a car...

That's when I decided to go back to Canada.

At first, the plan was to go back and forth between both countries so I could recover my Canadian health care AND have a life in the US. Unfortunately, I noticed quick enough that it wouldn't work out on any level.


The Hall of Fame I didn't want...

February, I am told that I will be inducted in the CZW Hall of Fame... And I don't want to. I'm not done, this will jinx me, it's a bad omen, I'm not ready, etc... DJ finally convinces me. To my knowledge, there won't be any speeches or ceremony... But of course, there are. I'm not dressed to impressed and my speech is terrible as I didn't prepare anything. Thank God I didn't forget about John Zandig at least. So anyway, I have the plaque on my wall and I look at it with pride now.

CZW Hall of Fame - Class of 2019 - February 9th 2019


Holy Stairs Batman!

Mid-February, at this point, I'm still going back and forth between the US and Canada trying to recover my Canadian health care but also keep my American family and home. I'm scheduled to perform for Femmes Fatales in Ottawa and the most stupid thing happens... I slip in the stairs at my grandma's, my foot touches my ass and my knee is messed up...

The day of the show, it is pretty swollen. However, I'm also crying like a baby. This plus everything else that happened in the past few months is just to much... I don't want to do this anymore. I had enough, On this day, it is probably the 3rd time that I'm crying, not wanting to go to a show... So instead of leaving for Ottawa, to the hospital I go, without insurances yet at this point...

Diagnostic is a bad sprain. My orthopaedic doctor also tells me that the knee is bad and that I should really stop wrestling. It was like the escape I was looking for to convince myself that this had to be the last year. The knee was bad... But the heart and soul was much worst.

So I made the decision to retire. I would have a few key matches and then call it quits...


Final Match Set... In My Head...

I knew who I wanted to wrestle for my last match. I knew where. Tyson Dux in Toronto for Smash Wrestling. Why? Because when intergender wrestling was not cool and that guys didn't want to work girls (when they would they would beat the shit out of me to show I didn't belong), Dux actually wanted to wrestle me. Always professional, he made me feel as an equal right from the start. I also believe he is one of the best technical wrestler period.

The incredible Tyson Dux with whom I wanted to wrestle my last match

Toronto? Because that is where I fought the government so women wrestlers would have the same rights as men... And also because I cannot put into numbers or any quantity for that matter how much love I get from my Ontario fans.

However, we just couldn't find a date to make it happen. Nothing was working out... Destiny would show me why a few months later...

I would capture my 5th main championship of a promotion (men title) by becoming the La Lutte C Vrai champion and would wrestle people I wanted to wrestle for the first time or once again that had an impact on me in the past.

As La Lutte C Vrai Champion

I would also have what was supposed to be my final Femmes Fatales match against always a favourite in Cheerleader Melissa in Quebec City. I remember telling the promoters not to announce it as my last match in Quebec City in case I would be booked again in the same city (which I did) later in 2019...

Like in the back of my mind, something was trying to tell me everything was going to be alright... I was inducted in the NSPW Hall of Fame that night, another plaque I display proudly on my wall at home...


Judd Cassidy or You Can't Quit...

Some of you might have been aware of my partner in crime, Judd Cassidy, via our live “Verbal Diarrhea” live on Facebook while we drive to a show. Well, he is my partner in crime in everything and the biggest reason why I'm still here. He is also my biggest supporter in everything I do.

Tagging with the Cassidys, Judd and his borther Seth, at JCW Lutte in Jonquière, Québec

He's known me for over 20 years and has watched from afar what I was doing. When we reconnected back in May, he would change my perspective on many things. Where I saw pain, he saw experience. Where I saw hard work that didn't bring anything, he saw perseverance. Every time I would mention “my last match” or the months left he would say... “Who are you trying to convince? Me... Or you?”.

I get to win the JCW Tag Team Championships (male title held by two women) with my good friend Kath Von Goth who is also pushing me not to stop... “We tag and I'll do the running and bumping so you can keep going” she says. LOL

After every match I would have, Judd would pinpoint the fact that I was fine and that nothing hurt. Cassidy would be there for 2 of my Smash Wrestling matches against Sebastian Suave and Jody Threat that were very good. He would use them as “leverage” to show me the time to stop had not come yet.

A turning point was a match I had at Alpha-1 Wrestling against the very talented Kobe Durst. I was convinced I was going to “stink up the place”, that I wouldn't be able to follow him... I was so mad when I learn we were main event... Because I thought I would not be able to deliver. The match was a killer, fans were so happy about it, expressing their gratitude after the show...

German suplex on Kobe Durst at Alpha-1 Wrestling


Judd would go on and say “Told you so! You can't quit, you are not done. Just starting”


The Summit...

We are driving to the big wrestling weekend in Toronto that features Smash Wrestling, wXw and the Summit, an all-women show with Femmes Fatales, RISE and Shimmer. wXw reaches out as I'm driving to the venue to replace Tony Storm who was injured the night before... So, it'll be 3 matches in 2 days.

I was scared I would get booed by replacing Storm but the reaction was the complete opposite. The 3 way with Allysin Kay and Amale went really well and, at night, I reconnected with my former Team PAWG member Jordynne Grace in a one-on-one battle. This one felt even better.

After the match, Femmes Fatales and NSPW booker Michael Styles comes to me and says “You don't look like someone who is about to retire out there. You seem to be at your best. We have a date in February”. I thank him but brush off the 2020 offer and walk away.

Vanessa Kraven comes to me and she goes: “No! You are NOT retiring! Look at yourself! Just no!” Fans tell me the same thing a the merchandise table... As we are driving back to the hotel, Judd (by the way, see him get slammed by Jordynne and I on my YouTube Channel in the match mentioned above) is very proud to tell me “See, you're not done!! Told you!”

The next day, I'm in a 4-way dance at the Summit... I think I'll have an OK reaction. I am dead wrong. The crowd is so loud when I enter that I have to stop a second in the entrance to embrace the moment.

The awesome reaction from the crowd as LuFisto enters the Met venue at the Summit

Unfortunately for my Canadian crowd, this would be another loss at Shimmer for me... Did I ever win anything at Shimmer? LOL


You're Good... What?

I finally get to wrestle my long time friend The Beast King FTM (formally known as Franky the Mobster) at C4's Fighting Back on August 9th after 23 years of sharing the same locker rooms but never being in the ring together one-on-one. The match goes extremely well, the crowd is hot, I'm feeling good and after, we both tell each other that this needs to happen again. This time, I know I mean it.

3 days later, I meet with my orthopaedic doctor again as he wants to know if the shots he's been giving are working. As soon as I show up, he noticed that I lost weight. I'm down about 20 pounds at that moment (-30 lbs today). ooks at me, looks at my knee... Looks at me... Looks at my knee. He asks me how I feel. I answer Larry David style “pretty, pretty good”. He gives me my shots and then, the discussion goes like this...

- Usually when I tell someone they're done, they quit and do nothing. That was obviously not your case. See me every 4 months and you'll be good.

- What? Good?

- Yeah, we shoot you every four months and you keep doing what you do.

- What I do?

- Yeah, the wrestling thing.

- ...

- Give yourself some breaks sometimes and you'll be fine.

- How about a knee replacement?

- Oh hell no. No need until you're like 80.

- Ok.

- We will call you to schedule your next appointment. Good day!

I sit in my car for about 5 minutes before deciding to drive back home. I'm speechless. What just happened. I'm cleared? Oh my God... I told everybody I was done!! I feel terrible. What am I going to do now?

I call Judd and tells him what just happened. He proceeds to tell me that now (besides the usual “I told you so”), there are no reasons for me to stop unless it is what I really want, what my heart really tells me to do... But of course, according to him, that would be bullshit.

I'm asking some friends for advice. One of them tells me it would be terrible not to retire because I announced it. Another tells me gives me this example:

“You get told you have months to live because you are sick. You say your goodbyes, you do things you like to cross the bucket list. But then, you heal. Are you going to jump off a bridge because you told people it's over but suddenly it's not? Common sense.”

That made me think at lot. However, I'm not ready to make a decision yet.


Josh Alexander... Or Facing a Machine...

I'm schedule to face Impact Wrestling's Josh Alexander and for the first time in a while, I am so excited that I'm almost going nuts. I love Alexander. I think he is one of the most talented athletes on the circuit. For some reason though, total opposite of how I felt before wrestling Kobe Durst... I feel ready. I don't know what's up with me but before my intro song starts I keep telling myself “You are born to do this, you are the fucking best, you can kill this”... Which is totally not me and I'm too often insecure at not being good enough.

The first minutes of the match, the crowd is HOT. They get even hotter when the action spills outside the ring and the lasts minutes, I know something special is happening. I just didn't expect what I was about to experience...

The C4 champion retains and leaves the ring. As I painfully try to get up, the crowd stands up in applause and many fans run to the ring to slap the mat. I'm tearing up just remembering the moment. I can't even describe how it felt.

One of the greatest moments of my career...

I go backstage and promoter Mark AP comes to see me... I tell him “Well, maybe I still got it”...

He replies: “You never lost it. You only thought you did”.


wXw Femmes Fatales Winner and the Decision...

I am scheduled to leave for Germany and I'm asked if they should announce it as my last time there. I tell them to wait. I have to make a decision before I leave.

On the Friday, my flight is delayed and I barely make it the morning of the wXw Femmes Fatales tournament. I slept about 2-3 hours and I'm jet-lagged AF! First match is fast. Second longer but I break my wrist in the middle of the match.

For the third match. I was told that wXw wants to do more business with my opponent, Leila Hirsch, so she needs to look strong. I have crazy ideas but little time to put everything together. However, I manage to do so. The fact that Hirsch is willing to do everything, that she trusts me and easy to work with makes it easier for sure.

In the end, this match is what, according to fans and staff, is the best ever women's match that took place in Europe. I am described as the most violent women on the planet and Leila is now a star. Mission accomplished.

I grab the mike and announced to the world that, just like KISS, I will extend that farewell tour for 20 years if I have to! It is now official. I won't be retiring at the end of the year.

After winning the wXw Femmes Fatales 2019 tournament...


Backstage, I don't remember being so praised for my work by people I respect and love so much like David Starr and Rico Bushido. I also get a text from Leila's trainer, DJ Hyde that goes a little like this...

“Just saw you and Leyla from today. I fell i need to say a few things. 1. Thank you. For not just being a great worker but a great person and friend. 2. Never doubt yourself again. You are great and talented. I believe in you. 3. 40 means nothing.”

The following day, I will lose to Amale and do not become the wXw Women's Champion unfortunately... Seems I'm more successful at winning male championships than women's. LOL


The end of the year...

The year for me would end with a few matches in Quebec against Nitzz (he cheated to win), a return at NSPW in a battle royaIe, lost my LLCV championship to Jason Petitclerc (he cheated too) and an awesome match against Mason Carter at FLQ Wrestling where they would announce that, for the first time in history, I would be part of the first female main event of the company against All Elite Wrestling's superstar Nyla Rose on February 8th 2020.


To recap this crazy 2019...

This year has been filled with ups and down, soul searching, returning to the basics (and home) and starting a new life from scratch. I know that sometimes you have to lose everything to start fresh, with a better perspective and that what hurts now might be for the best later.

I often read stuff like “Didn't she retire?” No, she never did. Thought about it, thought she was done, even said 2019 would be the last... But that is not the case.

The difference a year makes...

I felt like a fraud for a while not to go through with it but today, this decision feels right. No matter what some people will say, or the people who were really hoping for get me out of the business (there are some, trust me... Not too many, thank God), I decided that I won't apologize for life giving me another chance at doing what I love.

I know now that I'm way tougher than I thought. I also know for sure that the saying is true... “It's not over 'till it's over.”


What I hope for the future...

I'm not sure why life is giving me that second (Third? Fourth?) chance to stay. I'm trying to understand what is the message here.

I've been giving a few seminars and seeing the kids (and not kids anymore) getting better because of my teachings with sparks in their eyes and I must say, it feels great. I also had some of the best matches of my career in the past few months.

I strongly believe that I could bring a lot to a women's division, anywhere in the world, big or small. If you listened to my podcast with “We the Indie”, you know that WWE probably won't be the place unless there is a miracle and I'm OK with that... But there are options now. Places I feel I would fit perfectly.

All I need is a shot, one person who believes in me and trusts my abilities.

Hopefully, 2020 is the year... If not, well, I'll enjoy the ride on the powerful indies, the beautiful backbone of the industry.

Happy new year everyone. May your dreams come true and your efforts never be in vain.

Much love,



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